Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
