i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
