i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
im about as happy as oj after his trial
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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