I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
