Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
