Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
