Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
