If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
