you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
