his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
