one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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