His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
