My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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