Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
