I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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