somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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