Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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