Soap is not a condiment
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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