wakey wakey hands off snakey
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
