My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
