a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
