How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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