how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
