Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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