it hurts more in the daytime
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
