Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize