Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
