Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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