I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
