He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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