What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
