Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
