On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
