Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You've changed since you got that strap on
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
