Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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