He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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