Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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