I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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