i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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