Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
