i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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