If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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