Dual....:-)
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
