Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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