She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
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Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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