apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
