im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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