no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
