So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
