dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
this hospital has no fireball
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
