true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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