And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
