Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
