And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
