Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
