I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
