How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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