quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
