We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
