Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
