he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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