he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
