He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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