I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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