Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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