sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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