i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
