yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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