Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
