Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
