they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
