Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
