I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
