Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
