I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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