There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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