Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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