i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
