My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
