dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
