You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
