I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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